


If You Care About Me

by Cats_fandom_universe_room12



Series: I'm Not Sorry [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hey look a part two, Human AU, M/M, aah i'm bad at tags, break ups, kinda???, they weren't really together??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22901767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_fandom_universe_room12/pseuds/Cats_fandom_universe_room12
Summary: This is part two to the first bit of Roceit angst I wrote so make sure to go read that part!!Will Edward (Deceit) be able to fix thing with Roman? Or will he just make things between them worse?Prompt:"I don't know how to exist in a world without you"
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Series: I'm Not Sorry [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646167
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	If You Care About Me

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Cussing, angst, arguing???
> 
> If there's anymore please let me know!!

Edward hadn't known how much he'd miss Roman. Now he was living through it he just wanted to apologise to him but he was too proud to do so. They see each other in passing, their places of work were in opposite directions but each closer to the others house, they had to each other on the way sometimes depending on days off. Before they’d stopped talking they’d often have a conversation if Edward was in the mood for one on that particular day. Now it was just nothing. Like seeing someone from your old school in public and desperately trying to pretend they’re not there. 

It hurt both of them equally, not that Roman knew that. In his head Edward didn’t care at all about him or his feelings considering the last words he spoke to Roman, ‘I’m not sorry’. It echoed in his ears, from the moment they were said till the present day. Everytime he thought back on it, the image of Edwards back to him just before he left and the coldness of his tone. It broke him just as much as it broke Edward to say. 

Edward was sitting on a bench next to an old friend who’d requested to hang out to talk about what happened with Roman. Edward knew why, on the phone he sounded livid with him. He may be Edward’s old friend but he was Romans friend as well and if he had to choose then he’d stick up for one of them if the other had done something wrong. 

“You fucked up big time.” Edward glanced at the other who was staring forward towards the rest of the park they were in, with annoyed expression. Edward opened his mouth to speak when the taller of the two turned to him suddenly, his gaze burning into Edwards face. If looks could kill Edward was sure that he’d be dead right now on this bench. The look alone made him close his mouth again. “Do you even care?” The question was sudden and made him furrow his eyebrows. The other cocked an eyebrow and elaborated, “That you’ve hurt Roman, do you care? He’s laying in bed right now, hiding under his covers, not moving or talking to anyone. Remus is even sitting in there with him, that’s how bad this is.” Remus was used to having Roman talk about his relationship issues but Roman wasn’t talking about it with anyone. 

“Of course I care, Virgil b-”

“But what?” His words came out through clenched teeth as he glared daggers into Edward.. “Tread carefully Ed, because whatever you say now, I will hold against you.” 

“But I don’t know how to fix it.” The sentence surprised Virgil. He honestly didn’t expect him to want to fix anything with Roman after the way he acted about him over the years. He used to not talk about him or if he was brought up he would speak as if he wasn’t interested in the conversation topic so this change of heart confused him. 

“Edward I’m going to ask you a simple question and you need to answer me honestly, okay?” Virgil didn’t look as angry, definitely still angry though. Edward nodded. “Why did you let it continue the way it did? If you cared for him.” 

“Because I was scared and in denial of my feelings?” Edward let out an awkward laugh at his confession and itched the back of his neck as he looked away from Virgil. The taller of the two stayed quiet for the other to continue, “I didn’t realise how strong my feelings were till now…” He let out a sigh and looked at Virgil again, who was continuing to look at him with a done expression.

“You seriously need to talk to him instead of sitting there all pitiful.” The taller of the two had a serious tone as he stared him down. “Trust me when I say this, if you don’t fix this now Remus is going to kill you, and I won’t stop him. None of us will.” He got up from his place on the bench after a few moments of glaring at the other. He didn’t look back at him as he walked away in the direction of his home. 

Edward stared down at his hands in his lap, taking a breath he stands up slowly. He took his phone out of his pocket and began tapping. He paused as he looked at Roman’s contact, his thumb hovering over the call button. He shook his head and clicked the button to message him instead. Idiot. Without thinking he started to type out a message to Roman.

‘Hey, Roman. Is there anytime we could meet up to talk about things?’ It was sent before he realised and as soon as he saw typing he immediately closed his phone and pocketed it as he walked quickly out of the park.

He was home, on his couch his phone on the coffee table open and on his messages with Roman. He had started typing a few times but hadn’t sent anything. That was within the first 20 minutes of being home. It had been hours now and he must have dozed off because he was awoken by his phone ringing. Normally he would have been annoyed but when he saw the caller ID he scrambled to sit up on the couch before picking up his phone and answering it.

“Hello.” His voice came out quieter than he would have liked. There was a few minutes of silence before he got a reply.

“Hi…” He heard shuffling on the other end and some quiet whispering. “...You wanted to talk?” There was a huff further away from the phone and a quiet hush. 

“Yeah.. Can I request to speak first and say what I have to say before you reply?” His voice was soft as he spoke and he stared at his snake tank to focus on something so he didn’t stumble over his words.

There was a mutter and then Roman spoke, “yeah.” There was a faint sound of protest and then he heard the other move the phone away from his face and then a muffled ‘if you’re going to be a bitch about this then leave’ and then a door slam. “I’m sorry, continue.” The others voice sounded significantly more tired though Edward didn’t know whether that was because of what just happened or because of how unnecessarily long period of time between when they last spoke and now, trying to fix it. 

“You have nothing to apologize for I can assure you.” Edward thought it was best to speak truth through every part of this conversation to make it easier on them both. “I should be the one apologizing, despite what i said leaving your house that day i am truly sorry, Roman. You may not believe that to be sincere considering, well, everything but I had to make it clear that I was sorry despite you believing it or not.” He took a breath and let out a small pathetic laugh. “There’s a reason I don’t speak in truths and this is it. I end up over sharing. Not Remus levels of oversharing though don’t worry.” He heard a small stifle laugh on the other end of the line making him smile softly to himself. 

"but uh.. Anyway what I want to say is that I made a huge mistake. I know that now. I shouldn't have put my feelings before yours ever. For the longest time I was trying to convince myself that I was doing that for both of us when in reality I was trying to make things easier on me by ignoring it… " He pauses a for a few moments trying to find the right word to explain what he meant by 'it'."... By ignoring how both of us felt."

"Being alone these past few weeks has brought to my attention that.. That I don't know how to exist in a world without you, Roman." He went silent. What on earth was he supposed to say after that? He brought down his walls and look at where it'd landed him. Being sappy and confessing his feelings. Things that have never come of any good. 

"Are you… done?" Edward couldn't tell what type of tone Roman was using but he just let out a small 'yes' in response, waiting for him to continue. "Edward, i-" He was cut off by someone taking the phone off of him and he heard a quiet 'hey!' 

"Okay listen here, you snake, you can't just break my brother's heart and expect to be welcomed back with open arms because you're spouting bullshit about how you couldn't live in a world without him." Remus hissed on the other end. "He's been here in his room for weeks and where were you? I've been sitting here picking up the pieces and you're trying to undo that? You're not going to change and I'd expect you never to call my brother again." The call ended. 

Edward sat there with his phone pressed to his ear for a few moments. That whole interaction was unexpected. He jumped when his phone rang again in his ear. He looked at the caller ID, it was Roman. 

As soon as he answered he heard Romans voice, "Ed I'm so sorry about that. I locked him out of the room now." The other spoke quickly. He sounded quite annoyed making Edward try not to laugh because he recognised the tone from when Roman had ranted about Remus. He had looked so cute with a furrowed brow and his hands flying everywhere dramatically. 

" What I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted, I understand what you're saying…" 

'there's a but why is there a but?' 

".. But.. God I can't believe I'm saying this but Remus is right. You can't expect us to be completely okay, Ed." He heard a sigh. "After everything… You said you weren't ready to be serious. Has that mentality changed?" Edward didn't know how to respond, he was scared he'd mess everything up again if he said he'd want something with Roman. Then again he'd already messed everything up by saying he wasn't ready.

" I.. I don't know.." stupid. 

" What does that mean?" The question came out cold.

"Ro…" He lets out a sigh. "... it means I'm scared."

"of?" 

"Of hurting you-" He was cut off with a laugh on the other end. 

"You've already done that so what makes this different?" 

"Well if you had let me finish I was going to say again." He let out a huff before continuing. "Listen, Ro.. I don't want to risk hurting you again. Serious relationships aren't my strong suit." Edward hadn't realised he had stood up from the couch and started pacing until he saw he almost walked into his coffee table. 

"Edward, just because they're not your strong suit doesn't mean you should avoid them." He lets out a small sigh. "You say you care about me so prove it. Give me some space, please. Just until I get over you or something. It just hurts too much. You lead me on and then let me down over and over again. Like I said then, this has to stop. Please.” He heard Romans voice break in the middle of the ‘please’. 

Idiot. He’d done it again. He fucked up by pushing Roman away again. By saying the wrong thing. Again. 

“Of course, Ro. Anything.” Even though the other couldn’t see him he nodded.

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet but he continued, “Goodbye, Edward.”

Don’t let him go. Don’t. Let. Him. Go.

“See you around, Roman.” Idiot. He let him hang up. How could he do that? He was so close to fixing this and then just undid everything.. 

He threw his phone at the wall in a fit of rage. He was angry at himself. How could he do that? He was so close to fixing this and then just undid everything. He stood there for a few moments, heavily breathing before sitting on the couch and putting his head in his hands. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes, he tried to force himself to stop before he felt them fall onto his hands. Being unsuccessful he decided to just let go. So the couple of drops of tears turned into streams down his face and his body shook as he silently sobbed into his hands. He knew he’d never be able to forgive himself for doing this to the other even if one day Roman forgave him he’d still be unable to forgive himself for putting him through this.

At least he couldn’t hurt him anymore, right? That’s the question he’d continue running through his head. The relief of knowing he would never be able to hurt the one he cares about made him more okay about not being in Romans life anymore. 

He just hoped that Roman would be able to get over him quickly so he’s be able to find someone better than Edward. Someone who wouldn’t do this to him. This is the reason he knew that Roman would be better off without him in his life anymore. 

Part of him wanted to know what would have happened if he’d just said he was ready to be serious. Would they have been happy? Would he be able to deal in that situation? Would he do right by Roman? He just didn’t know.There’s an infinite amount of possibilities, he just hoped that this one was for the best.


End file.
